y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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