I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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