I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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