first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
