batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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