is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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