i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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