I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
