it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
