i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
