i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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