bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
