Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
