Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
