I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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