you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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