ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
