you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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