left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
