he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
