In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
