Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All the doctor said was why
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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