i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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