i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize