why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
