just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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