I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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