How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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