you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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