In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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