i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
