forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
