What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
