She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
