it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
