wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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