he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
