So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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