you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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