oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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