Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
