I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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