I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
