I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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