two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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