She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
