; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This girl is more easily done than said...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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