I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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