i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
