i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
