Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
