I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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