Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
