stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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