I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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