he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
