it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
