it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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