can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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