I'm lost and stupid without you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
