if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
