Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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