i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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