Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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