Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
