Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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