Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
